tadi, akue pegi jumper salah satu doc nie .. pasal assignment akue actually .. but then, it end up like shit ..
its not dat akue kener marah ker aper .. its jez dat .. akue pun tak tau kenaper akue leh nangis, in front of him ..
dier muler2 cakap, dier tak paham aper akue tulis dalam assignment akue tuh, cez totally bahasa melayu .. and then, he asked me, bout dat, and suh akue citer aper yang akue tulis dalam assignment tuh .. it starts rite here ..
everything akue terangkan, dier still tanyer akue .. and akue jadik kompius jap .. dier tak agree pun ngan jawapan akue, dier cakap, 'betul, betul .. tapi saya nak definisi tuh .. ' so, dat time, im blurr, i tot i had answered everything but tak cukup fer him .. so, he starts with ...
'saya nampak u nie, jenis yang tak into diz .. diz dentistry kinda thing .. its not in you .. maybe u belong to some other field ..'
'u sbenarnyer, memang dengan rela atie ker, mak ayah u yang suh?'
'sayer dah 30 tahun mengajar and banyak student sayer nie, macam u, jenis yang nampaklah, tak bleh nak catch up with dentistry nih .. ' 'r u seriously nak blajar?'
muler2 i was like, 'ko jangan nak describe akue lebih2 kay, u dnt know me enuf!' memang akue nak blajar .. dats y im here fer other reason .. tapi, at dat time, akue dah cam blurr .. time tuh akue dah nak nangis, and suddenly, i cant stop crying .. which i dont know y .. at dat time .. so, dier sambung lagi ..
'u ader kawan tak? i mean kawan yang baik laa .. u citer and lepaskan semua kat dier, might help u .. maybe condition kat sini tak elok .. or u susah nak blajar .. u tell me .. '
'u know where to find me kan .. im jez rite here .. i will help u ... '
dier tgk akue dok nangis giler babeng, dier ulurkan tissue and wait fer my answers .. lamer gak dier tunggu .. tapi dier sabar jer laa .. at dat time, akue takleh nak control dah .. im totally speechless .. nak cakap, tapi yang terkeluar dari mulut akue .. 'im sorry doc ..and thank you'
'its okay, i told you, saya akan selalu kat sini, and anytime u wanna talk, u jez come here kay ..'
so, dats the end of our meeting ..
balik2, akue terfikir gak sal bender nie, betul ker akue nak amek bender nie, yeah .. at first tuh, memang my parents yang suruh, but i know, my future will be brighter if i take diz chance .. but deep down inside .. i know im lost, totally .. kenaper susah sangat akue nak belajar? ader something yang messing up ngan mind akue ker? akue seriously tak tau aper yang akue nak in life .. all been set up by my parents .. but akue tau, setiap kali ayah akue suh akue buat nie buat tuh, in return mesti akue happy eventhough its tough .. tapi yang nie .. akue serious tak nak quit, but akue tak tau, kadang2 future akue tuh blur ..
akue study tak kener, akue study bagai nak mati pun result hampeh .. nak try to improve myself, nothing cuts in .. sedih ngan diri sendiri actually .. people can see my weakness from my face .. how cant i ?? how cant i repair myself? be a better person ? or its jez not enough? doz things in life never get easy on me .. but i know i need to try .. but i keep on failing .. yeah, learn from ur mistakes, dats wat ive been doing fer years, tapi i realized dat sometimes, im not dat strong .. i cant blame on anyone, its jez me, lacks in me .. which i cant figure it out till now .. *sigh* ..
